Science association renowned for its legacy of churlish behavior sees no need to change.


Satire alert: This is an Onion style parody…

scientist

The American Sciences Society announced today that it would not review the need for a membership code of conduct for its next annual meeting. This reporter visited their headquarters on M Street in Washington DC. The Society President was clear about this decision. “We’ve never had a code of conduct, and we have no need to start one now.” Steve Wilber stated. “We’re not philosophers or anthropologists, we’re scientists for Christ sake. We know better.”

When asked about the avalanche of misogynist claptrap vocalized by the Nobel-winning, first-day keynote speaker that caused the majority of female participants at the last meeting to storm out in protest and start their own society, Steve remarked, “I think everyone who was even vaguely offended is now gone. They’re welcome back, but they really should grow a pair before they return.”

Lauren Sample, the Society’s public relations manager stepped in to clarify the organization’s position. “Steve may have misspoken. What he meant to say is that our members are individually tasked to stand up for themselves any time they feel any level of harassment. If we created a politeness police, who would monitor their behavior? Will we need to create politeness police police?”

“It’s a really slippery slope,” Steve interjected, elbowing Lauren aside. “First thing you can’t say anything about how distracting their legs are in the laboratory, and before long, they’re authoring papers without a single real scientist among them. Look at Lauren. PhD from Princeton, three post-docs, and now she’s found a perfect career in public relations.”

“Real scientist?” Lauren said, taking back the microphone. “I hope you’re getting this down. Steve here, who hasn’t authored an original paper—or had an original thought—in over a decade, is fond of hiring female post-docs and having them do all the work while he comes up behind them and strokes…”

“The point here,” Steve stepped up and yanked the microphone away from Lauren. “…is that we’ve always managed to get along just fine. Anyone in the Society who has problem can send me an email. Our next meeting is in New Orleans in the fall. All of our members are looking forward to…”

Lauren leaned in and shouted, “…giving their pro forma papers and heading out to the titty bars… I quit.”

“Too late, you’re fired! Can you believe that? There she goes. Man, I would totally hit that. You’re not recording this are you?”

The point of this parody is that a clear, strong code of conduct that reflects and amplifies the core values of a community, and which is constructed, refreshed and celebrated by the community is a signal that the community has these shared values and holds them dear.

Photo Credit: Igor Pavlov CC license: https://www.flickr.com/photos/pazlpazlpazl/5708049245/

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One response to “Science association renowned for its legacy of churlish behavior sees no need to change.

  1. Does your organization have a code of conduct? How is this owned by the membership?

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